Monday, May 3, 2010

Exclusive Report: Whitney Hoffman's Secret Power Source Revealed

Photographic evidence of performance enhancement supplies, speculation of sharing powers with others

Whitney Hoffman: Podcaster, Attorney, Speaker, Teacher, Leader, co-creator of PodCamp - Superhero?
The Delaware Social Media Initiative News Network has obtained evidence that one of the most influential movers and shakers in the area may be using performance enhancing materials - and, interviews indicate she may even be sharing those materials with others.

Who is Whitney Hoffman? 

Whitney Hoffman "has been involved in New Media and Social Media for the past four years, both as a content producer and as the organizer of Digital Media unconferences. She has organized Podcamp conferences in Philadelphia, New York and Boston. She recently organized the Web2Open sessions at the Web 2.0 Expo, in association with O'Reilly Publishing and TechWeb. She is CEO of Hoffman Digital Media, a digital media consulting firm that produces podcasts for clients, including the LD Podcast, an internet radio show about learning and learning disabilities and OB-GYN To Go, a podcast focusing on resident and physician education. Her personal blog, discussing finance, business, social media and more can be found at Whitney co-authored Public Assembly Facility Law with Turner D. Madden for the International Association of Assembly Managers and presented at their annual conference."

NOTE: the preceding paragraph was shamelessly stolen from Technorati - click here to read more, including a comprehensive interview with Whitney Hoffman - which does NOT include any references to her stash of super power materials. 

Recently obtained photos from Whitney Hoffman's garage show a combination of supplies that - for many - help explain how she is able to accomplish so much. these photos show containers of:
  • Antimatter
  • Mind Control
  • Justice
  • Intuition
  • Omnipotence
  • Gravity
  • Intelligence
  • Immortality
  • Matter
  • Invisibility
  • Chaos 
  • Black Hole
It appears most of these supplies were purchased from the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company.

Chris Brogan - a self-described friend, legal client, and co-conspirator with Hoffman, was dismissive of any speculation of wrong-doing by Hoffman.

"Whitney's doing some truly incredible work, she's not doing anything illegal - we don't even know if she's using any of these supplies or if she's just keeping them in her garage for a friend," said Brogan. When asked if he had ever used any of these materials, Brogan simply said, "No Comment" and disappeared from sight.

Public Officials see no reason for alarm 

"Whitney Hoffman seems to be providing great insights and assistance to many, many people throughout Delaware and the region," said U.S. Congressman Michael N. Castle. "I don't see a problem, none of these substances are restricted by state or federal code."

Governor Jack A. Markell agrees.

"At least she is putting her powers to use for the public good," Gov. Markell said. 

Vice President Joseph R. Biden, Jr.'s Delaware home is located less than 10 miles from Whitney Hoffman's stash of materials. The Vice President could not be reached for this story, but sources say he has been overheard to say that if Hoffman is using these items, then "it's not a big f***ing deal."

Observations from Others

Maya Paveza was open to listing Hoffman's accomplishments but remained silent when asked if she had ever tried any of the materials herself.

"Look, Whitney is producing podcasts, teaching people about social media, organizing events, and making a ton of things happen in this area," said Paveza. "If she happens to use a mixture of extra Intelligence, Mind Control, and a pinch of Chaos to help make some of this... um, I mean, hypothetically if she were mixing some of those things... oh, screw it - good things are happening, no one is getting hurt - leave Whitney alone or I might have to break out some of the supplies in my garage."

Training an Army? 

From PodCamp Philly to AGS University to the New Castle County Chamber of Commerce to Community Matters Networking Group to the Tech Forum of Delaware and the Delaware BioScience Association to Network Delaware's Social Media Train - Whitney Hoffman has led seminars, spoken on panels, and influenced hundreds, if not thousands, of people.

The question is - is she using her supply of Mind Control in these training sessions?

"Whitney Hoffman provides our customers and friends with great insight and practical tips to help their businesses," said Charlie Copeland, President of AGS. Copeland went on to deny knowing anything about Hoffman using any extra substances before teaching at AGS University.

Investigation Continues 

Now that the world is aware of the stash of Super Power Supplies in Whitney Hoffman's home, the Delaware Social Media Initiative News Service is going to keep it's eyes and ears open for any evidence of the use of these supplies - not only by Hoffman, but also by her devoted circle of friends and supporters. 

Anyone witnessing acts of time travel, invisibility, extra gravity, or any other unexplained phenomena should contact the news service immediately.


  1. LOVE Whitney! I've been in cahoots with her for some time now and can agree that every piece of evidence listed here is true to the best of my recollection. I'm not sure she has an alter-ego outside her superhero status - there is no Clark Kent here... only SuperWhitney!!

  2. She's had a lair all this time and ai never suspected!